Help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

Help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST.

Help me to not try to run everything — but, if You need some help, please feel free to ask me.

Help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive.

Help me to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions, even though they’re usually not my fault.

Help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right.

Help me to take things more seriously — especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

Give me patience, and I mean right now!

Help me to finish everything I sta

Help me to keep my mind on one thing — oh, look, a bird — at a time.

Help me to do only what I can, and trust for the rest. And could I get that in writing?

Keep me open to others’ ideas, misguided though they may be.

Help me follow established procedures. Hey, wait — this is wrong …

Help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatido.

Thank you. Amen

— Author Unknown

It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

— Anonymous

Author : Ioustinianos (IP: 85.195.123.22 , 85.195.123.22)
E-mail : yourdeath2007@gmail.com
Comment:
You bloated GREEDY sATAN worshiping slothful PIG !
Is that all you can think about you disgusting blemish in the sight of Christ Yashua ?!

You filthy slimy sleazy scumbag , you are a member of that sATANIC jEW club for your own material gain.

Money money money ! You sick sick man , do you know what you are getting yourself into ?

OK. Extremely insightful comment, that. I assume the commenter is referring to my membership in a Masonic Lodge, something that I not only do not hide but of which I am very proud — indeed a quick look at even the front page of my web site brings up that information.

So, what exactly is this person criticising? What is he (or I guess possibly she, although I doubt it) actually complaining about?

Do me a favour, read the previous post first. You will see that I pose the question: if you want to develop some software that can be provided as a service, what would that be? So this person fires back with:

You bloated GREEDY sATAN worshiping slothful PIG !

Ummm. OK. Let’s leave the “sATAN” worshiping part out of it for the moment. Bloated? Greedy? Slothful? Pig? What is this based on? I work hard — have done so all my adult life. I have not been handed anything on a plate; my parents were poor immigrants who worked for minimum wage so that they could afford to support my sister and me through school. I am married with 3 kids, all in school, and so I of necessity need to work to support them and myself. Greedy? I live in an average suburb. I drive a 15-year-old car. Slothful? I work well over 50 hours each week (while on a salary, so no overtime) and I do at least 10 hours of community and charity work each week too.

Is that all you can think about you disgusting blemish in the sight of Christ Yashua ?!

No that is NOT all that I can think about — if it was I would be rich.

Look, anyone can be rich if that is truly the top priority in his life. I don’t want to be rich badly enough to do what it takes. There are other aspects to my life that are far more important to me than mere money or material possessions: my family’s welfare and health, their happiness and well-being, the effect I have on my community and my world. All these things are truly important to me.

I need to be able to be satisfied with an honest answer to this question each and every night before I go to bed: Is every person I came into contact with today better, or at least happier, as a result? If the answer is no, then I have failed to live up to the yardstick that I have set for myself.

Making money is not how I measure my worth or my success. Of course, I do need to make enough so that I can offer my family a reasonable level of comfort and security, but beyond that it just doesn’t matter enough. What the previous blog post was referring to was a feeling that it is time to build a recurring income stream that can free up some time to enable me to become involved in some major, long-term projects that will actually cost me money but which I think will benefit many of the most needy people in my community. I can’t tackle them without sufficient time and funds. That is what this is about, not some desire to be rich. Heck, I am rich in so many ways: I have my health, a loving family, a roof over our heads and enough to eat and stay warm. I don’t need anything more. I don’t want anything more. So this comment:

Money money money ! You sick sick man , do you know what you are getting yourself into ?

well, I’ll just leave that alone.

Now, let’s get back to Freemasonry. The writer uses these terms:

… sATAN worshiping slothful PIG !

… you disgusting blemish in the sight of Christ Yashua

… member of that sATANIC jEW club

… for your own material gain

… do you know what you are getting yourself into ?

Caps-lock-induced dyslexia aside, Satan-worshiping? Satanic Jew Club? Come on now, does anyone still buy into this claptrap? I am not going to go over all this again, not because I can’t but because it has been done so many times before. Look, check out these pages on our own Lodge web site for a starting point, and if you have any sane questions please ask them here (or better yet, phone your nearest lodge and talk to someone — this “secret society” is in the phone book, so they aren’t that secretive!).

For the record, I am a Christian. Many of my brothers are Jewish. Many others are Muslim. A few I know who are Hindu. It doesn’t matter — we are all equal brothers, work together in harmony for the good of our broader community without trying to convert each other. Does this unsettle the commenter? Why? Maybe a little introspection is called for here.

As for my “own material gain”, anyone who knows anything about Freemasonry (or anyone who actually knows a Freemason) will know that being a Freemason costs a man both in terms of time and in money — just ask my wife! There is no other way to put it: if you thought you were going to gain materially from joining Freemasonry, you were very, very wrong. Many times throughout the joining process, each potential and recent member is forcibly reminded of that fact and admonished that seeking personal advantage from membership is not only frowned upon but can lead to discipline, punishment and even expulsion.

So why am I a member of a Freemasons’ Lodge?

Simple: because I was a Freemason in my soul first. Whether by nature or nurture, I fundamentally believe that there is an absolute concept of good and evil, and men know in their innermost being how to recognise it. I believe that good men are good regardless of their religious persuasion. I believe that tolerance, open communication and cooperation are a good and proper way to interact with others. I believe that I have an obligation to render myself of service to the world around me, and that in doing so I am acting in accord with the will of the Divine (whatever name each individual wants to use).

I believe — no, I know — that what I have become by being a member of a Lodge, and the continuing process of personal development and growth, makes me a better father, a better husband, a better employee, a better workmate, a better friend, a better citizen… a better man.

If I didn’t know that, if I didn’t believe it deep where I live, then I would not still be a member after nearly 25 years.

So, let me turn the last quote on the commenter. When you ask me:

do you know what you are getting yourself into ?

I can answer you with a clear, confident and categorical YES.

Do you know anything about this subject at all?

Hopefully, this post will help, although there is a Greek saying that goes like this:

On a deaf man’s door, you can knock forever!

which I suspect is appropriate here.

A mistake is not a failure. A mistake is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to re-focus, to improve. It reminds us that we are not infallible, and injects a little humility into our souls.

The failure is in not heeding the message that the mistake is trying to convey. Cosmic karma is at work here. The universe starts with a gentle tap on the shoulder trying to get your attention. If that doesn’t work, then a rap across the knuckles comes along, followed by a clip behind the ear. Pay attention to what you are being told, because if you ignore all of these, then the speeding truck is on its way.

I have yet to see a more effective way of dealing with a mistake than simply admitting to it, apologising sincerely to those impacted by it, and thinking about why it happened and what lessons need to be learnt. Not only is this in keeping with the natural operation of the universe, it builds your own moral fibre, and earns you respect from those around you.

Pointing fingers at others, reaching for a scapegoat, making excuses, or just plain claiming you make no more mistakes than others do just doesn’t cut it — not only do you come across to others as someone who lacks integrity, you train your mind to react inappropriately and get further out of sync with the world around.

And that is not where you want to be.

They took these two pieces and showed them to a number of people in the local (to them, Atlanta) Starbucks, and asked them to select from a list of 30 words the ones that they would associate with the companies involved. There were 15 "positive" and 15 "negative" words in the list. Interestingly, the Starbucks crowd didn’t like the bull, so the four words most strongly associated with the writer of the corporate-speak were obnoxious, rude, stubborn and unreliable. And none of the 15 "good" words were associated with this company’s literature.

The other piece fared much better — it was associated with the words: likable, energetic, friendly, inspiring and enthusiastic. None of the "negative" words were assoaciated with it.

Let me quote from the book:

The short story is that people find straight talkers likable, and that’s a big deal. In his book ”The Power of Persuasion”, Robert Levine, a professor of psychology, says:

If you could master just one element of personal communication that is more powerful than anything … it is the quality of being likable. I call it the magic bullet, because if your audience likes you, they’ll forgive just about everything else you might do wrong. If they don’t like you, you can hit every rule right on target and it doesn’t matter.

The authors also note that two if the words that were included in the list were "intelligent" and "educated". There was no statistical difference between the straight-talk sample and the bull sample. This means that an attempt to appear smart by (as they put it) using fifty-cent words to make 5-cent points, is pointless — there is simply no payoff for the verbosity.

Quoting again:

The bottom line: Bullshit eats away at your personal capital, while straight talk pays dividends. Invest wisely.

Amen to that!

Today I have endured more double-speak and, well, absolute nonsense than anyone should ever need to be exposed to, because of some fear of being absolutely clear in some communications. A futile attempt at stealth management.

I’ll feel better soon.

Really I will.

First, let me get some credibility here, then make a disclaimer, then express my opinion.

I am 47 and have been overweight pretty much all my life. My dad’s side of the family is very prone to Diabetes. In 1994, I was diagnosed with diabetes. At the time, I weighed about 130 kg (about 295 lb and I am 177 cm tall). I led a very sedentary lifestyle — my thinking was that exercise doesn’t really make you live longer, it just feels that way .

When diagnosed with diabetes, I went through the brainwashing — err, pardon me — nutrition education. I was on 4 insulin injections a day, and had the whole food pyramid thing drummed into me. You know the one — lots of complex carbs with fibre (like vegetables and grains), far less proteins and even less fats.

I followed the advice. Strictly. Under supervision. Really.

And I ended up in 2003 weighing nearly 160 kg (360 lb)!

So I took matters into my own hands, educated myself and did what I needed to do.

Today, I weigh in at around 105 kg (240 lb: yes, that is over 50 kg/110 lb lost). I take no insulin or any other diabetic medication. My blood pressure is 110/70 and my bloodwork is terrific.

Disclaimer: do your own research and make your own decisions. This may NOT be right for you!

I read everything I could find. I went through Atkins and thought he had part of the picture. Then I found out about Glycemic Index (GI) and that completed the picture for me.

Here’s how I understand it. Insulin is the hormone that allows sugars to cross over the cell membrane and be used for energy. If you don’t have enough, or it is somehow flawed, you are diabetic — the sugars accumulate in your blood while your cells slowly starve.

But insulin does something else, too: it causes excess sugars in your blood to be stored as fat.

This is important: it is the excess SUGARS (ie carbs) that are stored as fat, and this is done in the presence of insulin.

To avoid this, you need to ensure that the food you eat does not cause a spike in insulin production. Foods that cause a rapid rise in insulin levels have a high GI. Glucose has the maximum of 100, and pure water has 0, with everything else inside that range. If you eat low to medium GI foods at each meal (so that the combined GI is low to medium) then your body’s ability to store fat is severely curtailed, so that even if you do eat a bit more than you absolutely need, most of the excess is not stored. That’s not to say you can pig out, but it does mean you don’t need to live your life counting calories or fat-grams or whatever.

As for eating fats, the actual evidence of their effect on things like cholesterol is flimsy. Recently, here in Australia, the National Heart Foundation said words to the effect of “we were wrong: go ahead and eat the egg yolk too — it’s good for you and does not raise cholesterol”. My personal experience is that the level of cholesterol is largely genetic, and the environmental factors that influence it are far more likely to be related to simple starches (high GI foods) than fats. Consider this: what foods are high in fats and not also high in simple carbs? Pretty much nothing. If you eat a fast-food burger, the bun is not only white bread, it has added sugar. Fries? They’re potato! Chocolate? Sugar. Think about it.

Calorie intake is important, but don’t get too hung up on it. If you restrict your calorie intake too much, your metabolism slows down, and stores fat more aggressively. It is better to eat regularly throughout the day, and DON’T SKIP BREAKFAST whatever you do! I try to eat six small meals every day. It is also good to give yourself a regular “free” day, where you don’t do any workouts and you eat freely. For me, that is Sunday. Nothing is off-limits on that day. The first few weeks, you go a bit nuts, but the novelty soon wears off, and knowing that you can have that chocolate “on Sunday” seems to make it easier to not have it the rest of the week. It is important to have more calories on these days, because you want to use it to kick-start your metabolism again.

Hydrogenated oils are really bad karma. The evidence against them may not be concrete, but the anecdotal evidence is pretty overwhelming. I’ll eat butter, but not margerine.

Finally, BMI is the biggest load of codswallop ever. It is a formulaic representation of the old height/weight charts which have been discredited for decades. You see, a given volume of muscle weighs about four times what the equivalent volume of fat weighs. So if you have a low percentage of body fat, you will way MORE than a person with exactly the same dimensions with a higher percentage of body fat. Elite athletes have TERRIBLE BMI scores — they are HEAVY for their height because they are very lean.

And you want to be lean (and therefore heavy for your size) because that means that you need to burn more food just to live. As well as being stronger, both in terms of muscles but also in terms of calcium retention in bones, you will be able to eat more without putting on weight. So while aerobic exercise is good for you, losing fat really requires you to add muscle mass, and that needs strength training. Someone mentioned martial arts in a previous post — I would strongly recommend that, even if you are not particularly young. I started at 45, and am now a 1st Kye Brown Belt in the Kempo style. Find a good, family-friendly school. You will find that martial arts training is a really good mix of strength (resistance) and stamina (aerobic) work. Aikido is great — that is next on my list after I achieve Black in Kempo.

To summarise (with all the disclaimers assumed):

• eat low and medium GI foods. If you eat anything with a high GI, include something low GI with it at the same meal.
• don’t stress about fat intake (be sensible here).
• avoid hydrogenated oils
• get into a regular, weight-bearing exercise regime
• do NOT starve yourself
• try to eat more, smaller meals
• forget your weight — instead, focus on your belt size, the only figure you really need to care about
• enjoy life – the point of looking after yourself is to enjoy yourself

Again, do your own research.

I LOVE YOU DAD !!!

And here is the rest of the email, which she had obviously forwarded from one of her friends who had sent it to her:

When you were 8 years old, your dad handed you an ice cream.
You thanked him by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons.
You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer, to gymnastics, to one birthday party after another.
You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked him by Waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car.
You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call.
You thanked him by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he cried and told you how deeply he loved you.
You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him.
You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, he quietly died.

And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart.

If you love your dad, send this to as many people as you can. And if you don’t… then shame on you!!!

I was just so touched, it moved me to tears.

I was touched because my daughter thought of me, and acknowledged that I am at least trying to do what is right for her.

But I was also touched because I don’t think that I can honestly say I got the same attention from my father. He was — is — unarguably a good man. He always cared and provided for his family, and his devotion to my mother, now that she is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s disease, it truly inspirational. But in all my memories, he was in the background, working at his day job, or on one of his investments, in a never-ending battle to ensure that we wanted for nothing, and instead managing to deprive us of the most precious gift he had to offer — his time, his experience, his wisdom, his companionship.

His friendship.

And now, when he is in his eighties and despite living with us, his sense of duty means that he is not spending time with his grandchildren, again robbing them of the precious gifts he has, and robbing himself of the joy that they bring.

But maybe there is one more gift he has given me. He has taught me that just doing your duty, earning money and looking after your family, although admirable and even necessary, simply is not enough. You need to give of your time, your attention. Your self.

So Dad, I love you. Thank you for what you have done. I do understand it was the best you could do.

I just wish I had been given the chance to know you better as a person.

This time, the realisation came to me during a meeting that we were holding at our home. It was a meeting of the Social Committee of the Lodge that I am a member of, and we had twenty or so people attend, comprised of members of the lodge and some of their partners. The Social Committee is an opportunity for our women folk, who are not able to participate in the ritual of the Craft, to take an active part in the charitable and social work that we do, and to meet the other members of the Lodge and their families.

After the business part of the meeting was over, and everyone had partaken of the food and drink, a core group of people stayed on for a few hours to catch up and socialise in an informal setting. Maria (my decidedly better half) and a number of the ladies had a great time. Much sparkling wine was consumed by the ladies, a few snifters of various flavours of spirits by the guys, and all of us had a chance to catch up and spin a few stories. It was a really nice time, and we got to talk about a wide variety of things.

As it inevitably does in these circumstances, the conversation turned to why it is that men today are not drawn to Freemasonry. Now, the membership numbers are not in the absolute free fall that they were a decade or so ago, and indeed the latest word is that the membership numbers are pretty much stable. The reality, however, is that there are far fewer members of the Craft today than there were in past generations. The same is true of service organisations like Rotary and Lions. It wasn’t all that long ago that a young man with ambition would have thought it absolutely part of his future to join a local Lodge, but today many (probably most) of them don’t consider the option at all. We all had our theories as to why this was the case, but most of us agreed that one of the reasons is that they are all too busy!

Today, the 40 hour week is a distant memory for most working people. Sure, you may only be in the office for 37.5 hours, but when you add in the ever-increasing commute and the inevitable “just one small thing” that you take home with you, or the research or background reading that you do at home, I think that fifty hours is closer to the average work week. Then there are all the structured activities that we do for the kids — every night, someone has to drive one child or another to a music or dance or drama lesson, a sport event, a school function or some other event that, somehow, has become a totally necessary part of life today (even though we all grew up without any of them).

So in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we lack that moment of stillness that is necessary to realise that something might be missing.

For anyone reading this that is not a Freemason, let me give you a little bit of information. In the three levels, or degrees, of the Craft, a lesson is taught using a combination of role-playing and oral recitation. The lessons are on many levels, and the whole point of the lessons is to have each individual interpret them in a way that will benefit himself, will help him to become a better person in all aspects of his life. There is no masonic dogma — none at all. The whole point is for you to use your own mind and intellect to better yourself, not to adopt the ideas of someone else.

All of which is necessary to understand that when I talk about “the lessons” of each degree, I am talking about ONE way that they can be interpreted, and by definition anything that I say is going to be coloured by my own personality and perception. Neither am I divulging any secrets here — there are surprisingly few secrets in Freemasonry. So, with that out of the way, here’s what the three degrees teach. Or perhaps I should say here’s what I learnt.

In the first degree, you are taught that you are here for a reason, and that you, yourself, are going to discern that reason. You are taught that you are inextricably connected to the rest of humanity, and that as a member of the family of man you would do well to assist others to the best of your ability, while always being mindful that your charitable activities must not be allowed to impact negatively on the welfare of your family and other responsibilites. Your are taught that you need to be ever industrious, that you are expected to take care of your own needs and the needs of those who depend on you, and not to rely on the charity of others except when there are no alternatives open to you.

The second degree teaches that you also need to work on yourself. You need to balance your time between working at your profession, craft or employment, and working on improving your mind, your body and your spirit. Without doing this, your ability to contribute to the world is going to be limited, both to the world at large and to those nearest and dearest to you.

Finally, the third degree brings you face to face with the fact of your own mortality, emphasising that you don’t have eternity to do what you want to do — you may not even have tomorrow — so do what you need to do now, and be ever mindful of your priorities.

I suspect by now you know where I am going with this. I seem to be regressing time and again to the first degree, being industrious, giving freely of my time and energy to try to benefit all those around me, both at work and at home. But I seem to lose track of the time, to forget (or ignore) the need all living things have to improve themselves, to grow, to realise their potential. And I’m not getting any younger.

So with this posting, I reaffirm my commitment to strike a balance, to work daily on improving myself in some small way, to take the time out from my schedule to THINK about what I am doing and where I am going.

I’m sure I’ll slip again. But that’s OK. I hope it will be longer before the next time I slip back into old habits, and that I’ll pick up on it in a more timely manner when I do so.